The reason I'm not confident

31 Aug, 2026

I was doing some introspection --¹ well that's not true -- I was doing some laundry today when I realized I derive confidence from being good at things. But I'm also a perfectionist, so I never feel like I'm good at things, because I strive for the ideal. Therefore, I severely lack confidence.

This was a powerful realization. The important part is understanding that it's not healthy for me to put all my self-worth into unattainable levels of achievement. It also got me thinking that everyone must have their own individual source of confidence. Some people might get it from artistic self-expression. Others might get it through relationships. There could be as many different spouts of confidence as there are stars in the night sky.

Quickly I wondered, "what can I do about this?" Certainly I'm not going to be able to somehow will myself to become the best in the world in all the endeavors I've pursued up to this point in my life, thereby becoming confident. Awareness is a strong first step, maybe even the most consequential. I think it will help me to go about my day considering where others might gain confidence from, and see if I can apply their perspective to my own life.

"Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good-looking?"

Derek Zoolander

I'm curious if you have any thoughts on confidence, or where you get your confidence from. If you'd like to share, you can write to me at bearblog@aidenw.com. Or, better yet, write on your own blog and send it to me.